Joint accounts: cute or creepy?

WE all know a couple who can't do anything without their partner. Often it's cute. Sometimes it's a little creepy.

Now, an increasing number of couples are going so far as to join their Facebook and Twitter accounts.

Rather than being a sign that these couples are too co-dependent, some suggest it's the modern-day version of opening a shared a bank account.

But there's an difference.

Facebook was created to be all about "you". The pages you like, the pictures you post and the comments you make are all done with an awareness that you're being watched, and you are able to carefully curate how the outside world sees you.

So what does it mean when you want to portray yourself as a couple rather than an individual?

Psychotherapist Dan Auerbach said couples who join social media accounts have a strong identity around who they belong to and who belongs to them.

"Obviously Facebook has tapped into a massive amount of interest in people wanting to present themselves as individuals," said Mr Auerbach from CounsellingSydney.com.au.

"But some people may wish to portray an image of themselves as the couple - they may feel more comfortable with their joint identity."

Mr Auerbach said all people have "a need to individuate and a need to join".

"The need to be joined with someone is very strong," he said. "The need to be separate is stronger in some than it is in others."

Clare and Richard Tapp are married with three children. They have a joint Facebook account but Clare does the majority of the posting.

"I go on it all the time to post photos and keep in contact with overseas family," Ms Tapp said.

"And I guess being a mum is sometimes quite isolating, so I keep in contact with mummy friends without having to go out.

Mr Tapp says it doesn't worry him that his wife does most of the posting.

"We don't tend to join a whole lot of personal pages and stuff, we try to avoid all the advertising sort of things," he said.

Mr Tapp says the couple mainly posts family-oriented photos.

"I think Clare's joined quite a few associations, like the breastfeeding association and things," he said.

"If it was my own page I'd probably join up to hiking pages or stuff more to do with my hobbies."

Dan Auerbach said the way people use Facebook depends on what they latch onto Facebook for.

"Some individuals may use it more separately because they feel more comfortable having their identity in their separate self rather than their couple self," Mr Auerbach said.

"Some couples are much more tightly bonded."

Relationship psychologist Philip Johnson said joining Facebook accounts signalled serious commitment.

"When you have combined cheque accounts, Facebook and Twitter, you're signalling 'were together'," he said.

Victorian couple Leon and Carly Pettifer share a Facebook account, but they aren't afraid to post their differing opinions.

"Sometimes things we put up we both don't agree with, so if we put something up that's our opinion we put a note saying 'Leon' or 'Carly'," Mr Pettifer said.

"It can be politics – I'm sort of starting to swing more to the Liberal side of things but I have been a Labor voter, whereas Carly's always been a Labor voter so we disagree on that.

"And we're very passionate about our sport but I'm a Carlton supporter and she's St Kilda."

Mr and Ms Pettifer originally had separate accounts but they deactivated them to make a joint account.

"Basically half of our friends were mutual friends anyway," he said.

"Our Facebook is very family oriented, we post photos of our boys, we'll post if we're going away for the weekend."

Philip Johnson said sharing social media accounts was not an unhealthy thing to do, but in some instances it could cause relationship problems.

"If you see it causing arguments and your intimacy is being diminished because of the things you're posting I would suggest separating accounts," said Mr Johnson from Choosing Change.

Mr Johnson added that some couples may join accounts for unhealthy reasons.

"And it might be your insecurity that's doing that, it might not be a case of 'here I want to share my relationship because it's a wonderful thing',' he said.
"It could be 'I want to let everyone know I'm in a relationship and he's mine and she's mine'.

"And many people have Facebook accounts that they do actually have trouble with, where they have to reveal passwords, which is the ultimate 'I don't trust you'."

Heidi Stanton-Cook shares a Twitter account with her husband Daniel even though she does all the posting.

"We've been together 16 years, we have three kids, there's not a lot that we can hide from each other," Ms Stanton-Cook said.

"And it's not like I'm flooding our Twitter account with one-sided, full-on political stuff or weird religion stuff or strange musical death metal stuff."

Ms Stanton-Cook said her husband doesn't mind her tweeting on his behalf because her tweets are "fairly light and mainstream".

The couple also shares a Facebook account. Ms Stanton-Cook says their lives are so connected and they have so many mutual friends it doesn't make sense to have separate accounts.

"Even though we have different hobbies and do things separately, they're only for a couple of hours at a time," she said.

"I don't think it's a co-dependency thing or anything I think it's just the fact that working parents are pretty time poor so trying to keep up with what's going on in your social life, home life, then 'What did he say on Twitter?' – that's the sort of stress a lot of modern couples don't have time for."

Now fess up. Do you share an FB account?

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