10 things we'll miss about the video shop

The Network Video image posted on Facebook this week. Source: news.com.au

• Hundreds of video stores shutter over the years 
• But we're going to miss the condescending staff 
• And the people looking at the 'Adult' section 
• US ambassador: Stop stealing Game of Thrones 

"THE INTERNET KILLED THE VIDEO STORE".

That’s the dramatic message a Brisbane Network Video store has posted on its advertising billboard, as the regular visit to the humble video store fast becomes a thing of the past. 

Hundreds of outlets have closed over the past few years - replaced by shopping centre vending machines, rentals on iTunes, Foxtel and even BitTorrents.

If only we could press rewind. We’re nostalgic. We’ll miss those shops, in all their run-down glory. Here’s why.

1. The password challenge – You've got your work password. Your email password. Your phone PIN number. Your ATM PIN. Your PUK number. Probably at least two bloody phone numbers.

Let's face it, when it comes to remembering passwords, your video PIN was never top priority.

But we’ll miss the novelty value of a password you have to speak out loud. (It’s not like anyone else does that. Not exactly a foolproof system). And we’ll miss scrapping our brains for the relative whose name we’d chosen for the honour.

2. The wise and knowledgeable staff – Seeya, guys. Thanks for putting up with our "what movie is better?" questions and providing such a compelling variety of ‘employee picks’.

It’s sad, though. After US ambassador Jeffrey Bleich pleaded with Aussies to "stop downloading Game of Thrones illegally" last week, news.com.au was contacted by a video store franchisee in rural Australia whose store will close in just weeks.

"No more giving young kids their first jobs, no more of all the things which are important to me and my town," the store operator lamented in an email.

Tragic. We’re not so sure we’ll miss the condescension when we take out The Notebook or The Princess Diaries 2, though. Not that we’re ashamed or anything.

With every great love, comes an embarrassing visit to the video store. Source: news.com.au

3. The time limit – You’ve always wanted to see Pulp Fiction. And tonight’s the night. You’ve GOT to watch it now, otherwise you’ve just wasted your money. The time incentive encouraged you to stay in and watch that movie so you’d be able to understand what everyone was quoting from.

4. The secret pleasure of the narky reminders - So you forgot take your video back. Frankly, like most people, you wouldn’t frequent the video shop too often. But once you had it, you wouldn’t be taking it back anytime soon.

The threatening letters? So what. It’s a $9 video, how big could the late fees really be? You might even feel proud of your secret rebellion.

The incessant texts and snail mail were all pretty amusing… until you received a letter from the debt collectors.

5. The roll of the dice – To paraphrase Forrest Gump, a trip to the video store was a bit like a box of chocolates. You never knew what you were going to get when it came to the condition of your selected video.

Your DVD might come so scratched that it wouldn't even play. Or you might be able to see some breathtaking images in a flick such as Lord of the Rings… pity the audio doesn’t work.

Now if there’s an issue with the movie you downloaded, chances are it’s a computer problem. The worst kind.

6. The browse - When you log onto iTunes or Quickflix you're usually focused on downloading that ONE particular flick. Come at me Bourne Ultimatum. Get in my DVD player, Star Wars Episode III. But the spontaneity of a trip to the video store is totally absent.

Now they’re gone, your chances of discovering a classic you'd never heard of are much lower. Less Hitchcock or Schindler’s List, more of the latest episode of Game of Thrones.

This is a metaphor for how Game of Thrones readers feel. Lost in the wilderness with no end in sight. Source: Supplied

7. The lax age restrictions – The most talked about movies in the playground tended to be R18+ or MA15+.

We're talking about the slasher film Freddy v Jason in the naughties, Scream in the ‘90s or freak-o-rama Basketcase in ‘80s. You’d sound really in-the-know with all your playground movie references… if store staff didn’t care enough to check how old you were.

8. The people looking at the ‘Adult’ section – Before the internet, this was where the shady neighbourhood perverts congregated. Now we’ll never know.

9. The joy of a successful DVD extraction - DVD players have never been the most reliable piece of technology.

So in this whizz-bang new age of "Torrents", ".movs" and "downloads", it's difficult to overstate the pleasure we felt when we finally extracted that DVD out of a piece of machinery that really messed with our minds.

10. Who are the armed robbers going to hit up? – We’re not really that nostalgic about this one. But we are concerned. Everyday it seemed as if a VideoEzy or a Civic Video had been robbed. Who knows why - video stores were never really awash in rivers of gold. Don’t be surprised if you hear about a spike in crime in other stores.

Continue the conversation on Twitter: @drpiotrowski @newscomauHQ

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